Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned out to be my happily ever after

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To say these two days are a joy is not an exaggeration; I love them. I can have anyone over or sit and stuff myself with chips and cheese all night; I can have last minute sleep overs at friends house; I can masturbate for three hours. I can read a book or chat on the phone or stare at a wall. Perhaps best of all, there is nobody observing me doing any of these thing; no judgements; no points deducted or scored.” Thorn has a light and cheery writing style and concludes chapters with lists of tips or lessons she's learnt. She also frequently asks others for opinions, those others usually being respected professionals with valuable opinions on topics such as motherhood, divorce or dating. I really liked all of this about the book. At your worst, what emotions were you grappling with when you were going through the divorce process, how did it feel getting divorced young? Yeah, of course. But only if I knew that person well enough and was sure this was the person I want to spend my future with. Lots of things resulted in it but the moment I realised it was over was when we moved into our house and he kept accusing me of having affairs, phoning me when I was at work events and ruining the nights with it, then there was the fact he didn’t want to come with me to see family or be bothered with them.

Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned out to be

For women in their 20s and 30s – when the rest of the friendship group are often single, in a relationship or newlywed – leaving their marriage can be a particularly isolating time. The judgement and self-stigma that comes with being the divorced one is unsurprisingly difficult to navigate. I kept pursuing the marriage, and compromised all my integrity – and in turn, I gave him full control. Chloe For the whole marriage I was under the pressure of his mental abuse. He was a really toxic person who liked to blame everything on me and never agreed or admitted to his mistakes.It was a relief for me getting that divorce.

Jasmine

Telling other people was easy and relieving. Actually chatting and discussing this with others gave me strength to go through with it, I was never afraid of what others might think of it. How do you feel about your marriage now, do you have any regrets or are you very much of the mindset that you learn something from every relationship? It also meant that for a long time I was trying to save money in case I needed it for my car, divorce proceedings and other costly things. Alicia

Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned - WHSmith

I thought of stereotypical divorce as something that happens a lot further down the line when you have grown-up children. Alicia Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned out to be my happily ever after, by Helen Thorn. From the hugely popular Scummy Mummies comedian Helen Thorn, this hilarious and empowering book on surviving break-ups and thriving as a single person comes at a time when there are more separations and divorces than ever. Don’t rush things. Take it easy and see where life takes you. Stay true to yourself, nobody has the right to change you. If they don’t accept you the way you are, they’re not worth being with you. I still feel bad for the hurt I caused, and I have, on occasion, missed his kindness, but I remain convinced that our marriage would have grown biter and miserable.That I am my own person and no one can control you and you do what you want, as I am allowed to be happy. I changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up.” When Adele released “Easy On Me” – the first song on her long-awaited fourth album 30 – the lyrics hit home for many women who divorced young.

Get Divorced, Be Happy by Helen Thorn | Waterstones

My friends and family were relieved and happy about my decision because they saw how I was suffering in this marriage. Of course his family and friends were the ones telling me to stay married, try to stay together for the baby etc. I’d also want people in this situation to know that even though it will be hard, you will come out the other side and be happy again. Alicia Chloe At that moment I needed strength and support from my family and friends.I’d tell my past self: “You go girl! It might seem impossible at the moment but it gets better! You’ll get through this!”

Chloe

How did you find telling other people about your decision, did you ever feel pressure to stay through fear of other people’s opinions? What’s different about dating after divorce, how have you found navigating that world as a divorcee? So if single parenthood is really so good, why the radio silence? Shouldn’t we all be shouting it from the rooftops? T he poet, Holly McNish who loves her life as a single mother, think it’s because mum’s feel guilty gushing about how good they find their child free time to be. In Get Divorced Be Happy she says, When the time to date again does come around, I’ll be honest and brave about my story, and I will remind myself of my worth. I will only be with someone who accepts my truths, and never compromises my mental health. Chloe Here’s the thing: some marriages just don’t work out, regardless of age. A couple were happy until they were not and irreconcilable differences aren’t reserved for the middle-aged.

Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned out to be Get Divorced, Be Happy: How becoming single turned out to be

I was nervous to tell them at first I thought they would all say I failed, but once I told them they were fully supportive and were surprised it took so long, as they could see the problems before me. But obviously, no one could tell me that, I had to figure it out myself. I was married to someone I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be with. But there I was and a year later I ended up pregnant. Again, I definitely wasn’t ready for this, not at all. But it was mental pressure from him and his family to have children. I was too afraid to say no again. We ended up having a beautiful baby boy who was born prematurely at 30 weeks, 2.5 months before his due date. It was very difficult seeing your 1.4kg baby in the hospital inside the incubator connected to all these wires but we got through it and we have a healthy, 2-year-old, beautiful and clever boy. My advice to others is don’t be afraid, there are people out there if you’re scared or if you need help, and I know love is a strong feeling but you need to live the life you want, not feel suffocated and unhappy. Jasmine

The Conclusion: Divorce Alone Will Not Make You Happy

I realized it when he stopped pursuing me romantically, and when he refused to accommodate my needs as a wife. The night I left, he said straight to my face, “I’m not sure I love you anymore.” The catalyst, in the end, was that I had been warning him to stay away from this one girl in his friend group, all to find out that he’d been having sex with her all along. I had known about her reputation, and he had ensured me that I had nothing to worry about. Turns out, my instincts were correct, and I got played like a fool.