Time to Think: Listening to Ignite the Human Mind

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The Thinking Environment is highly effective in group work and meetings. One of the techniques here is the ‘Thinking Round’, which ensures everyone has a chance to say all they want to. As is the case with the Thinking Partnership, it is the contracting at the start of the meeting which brings the value. Nancy Kline’s theories are supported by practical structures which, if adhered to, will enable the Thinker to work through the issues, gain some clarity and find a way forward. The Thinking Session starts with a simple question: Then, as if interruption by each other were not enough to minister to the diminishment of our independent minds and the shrinking of meaning in our relationships, enter smartphones. More accurately “hurtphones” or “stupidphones”. With their built-in servicing of platforms that colonise our attention, they slap our brains into stupidity. Relentlessly distracted, our thinking begins to haemorrhage.

And because you know I will not interrupt you, you will want, when you finish, to know what I think, too, even if we disagree deeply. You open your heart. And because you in turn promise not to interrupt me, I open mine. Nancy Kline's writing style is very accessible so this book is a real pleasure to read. Her Time to Think principles are extremely powerful in bringing about change in individuals or groups. This is one of the most important books for coaches to read. This promise and its luminous effects are different. But humans cannot see difference all at once. Our predispositions, our rituals, our norms – in this case interruption and its frayed and fractious outcomes – are our habituated context. They are our reference points for what is. So they are all we see.

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A Thinking Environment can be created between two people – a Thinking Partnership, comprising Thinker (coachee) and Partner (coach) – or in a group, at a think tank or any other type of meeting. What do you do when your godchildren ask you questions you can’t answer? What would you do, for example, with these from my three goddaughters? The promise of no interruption consisting of those three ingredients changed their conversation forever. Polarisation fizzled. New possibilities emerged. Those three ingredients walked forward together. Not into a sunset. It was better than that. They walked into the grit and gossamer of new thinking that springs from emotional integrity, understanding and mutual cherishing of the effects of this powerful promise.

We were born for this. In fact, says the science, we were born expecting it. Our brains needed it to keep forming when we were infants, almost marsupially. They still do. To stay fully Homo sapiens our minds and hearts need this promise. This we can stop. We can stop all forms of interruption. We can decide right now to be masters of our attention, to commit to the flourishing of our minds, of our hearts, of our very nature. In a time when communication is more challenging than ever and relationships need to be nurtured, listening to one another could not be more important. In her new book, Nancy Kline, bestselling author of Time To Think, suggests that for us to radically improve our communication we should make the propmise 'I won't interrupt you'.

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I also have seen people claim this promise, clip it to their listening portfolios, sell it as their skill set, and not come close. It is as if we can never know it. It is as if it is here and not here, evident and elusive, finished and foetal at once. I wanted to write about it. Maybe an essay. Maybe an article. Christopher said, ‘It’s your next book’. I wasn’t so sure. We all long for this, the promise of no interruption, the promise of interest, the promise of attention while we think, the promise of this much respect for us all as human beings. We long for that gentle, rigorous expanse that produces felt thinking and thoughtful feeling. Every day, in every interaction, vital or trivial, we hope for the kind of presence that lets our brains and hearts find themselves. Then Pengin Life invited me to write the next Time To Think book, this one for a wider audience. And including a look at polarisation. How joyous. When I was 12, I was too busy figuring out how to have a boyfriend and not make anyone nervous; and at 13, I spent every waking minute practicing to be the best cheerleader in the whole wide world. So the writer in me patiently filed her nails, in it for the long haul.

The three other books discussed above followed over the subsequent 27 years of research with people of every age and with organisations of every description. Every day over the years I have thought repeatedly that I had seen this promise in all its glory. I have thought each time I saw it that I had it down, that there was no more to see, no more to add to its definition or its effect. I have felt confident that I was doing it justice as I wrote, as I taught, as I spoke, as I tried every day to live it. I have committed to its treasure and been sure I held it all in my arms. But before I could breathe out, I have, startled, seen it as if for the first time. And I have had to smile. ask an Incisive Question TM to remove that belief, for exampl e: ‘If you knew you would be listened to, what would you say, and to whom? And our relationships? I surely don’t need to articulate the difference the promise of no interruption might have made in every single relationship since humans developed language. Think about yours. Imagine your relationships without interruption. Imagine the sweet, stimulating sturdiness that would grow. I often wonder if divorce figures would reduce dramatically if there had been a vow of no interruption at the wedding.In the meeting, everyone matters. Design meetings to get the full contribution of everyone’s thinking. If you don’t need their thinking, don’t invite them. Where in your circles can you point to a single person who you are certain will not interrupt you when you speak? Who in your circles has ever made this promise to you? And kept it? And have you ever made that promise to anyone? First, we really need to understand that interrupting is a violent act. To begin with, we need to understand what interruption is. We have to recognise all of its pernicious and artful forms. And finally, there is much more in Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think, but to end this series, I will conclude with the practical tips that may make some of your meetings a more conducive environment for thinking: Ask ‘Do we need a meeting?’Be sure the meeting is necessary, and that it requires people’s thinking. If it doesn’t, don’t hold the meeting (find another way to accomplish the task).