The 69 best dick jokes: Funny joke book

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A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, "I want a grilled… cheese." The waiter says, "What's with the pause?" "Whaddya mean?" the bear replies. "I'm a bear!" The father looks at him disapprovingly, “I’m ashamed of you! At your I age I never lied to my father!”. The detector beeps.

Why did the swimmer disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of chlorine protection!I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the hole time!

What did the astronaut say to his space shuttle? “Don’t be silly, wrap your boosters, Willy! We don’t want any misfires!” Another commented: "Perfect Christmas advertisement! Marks and Spencer take note. Christmas is about love NOT being selfish! I'm not usually an Aldi shopper but M&S won't be my shop of choice this year." What did the zookeeper say to the monkey? “Don’t be silly, wrap your tail, Willy! We don’t want any swinging accidents!” Why did the race car driver ignore the advice to “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of his helmet! It’s got influences from here, there and everywhere, and everything could mean about five possible things.

‘Stand on stage and see if they laugh’

I don’t like my boyfriend watching pornography. I do think it’s kind of a form of infidelity, because he’ll be imagining himself having sex with other women, and I don’t understand why he needs to watch it when I draw him such great vaginas.” – Sara Pascoe Why did the musician disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the magic of his instrument!

Why did the cyclist ignore the advice to “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of his padded shorts! A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. “Why in the world do you want that?” she asks. He looks at her and says, “Well, that’s what you give dad when his shit won’t get hard.” What did the scientist say to the bacteria in his petri dish? “Don’t be silly, wrap your flagella, Willy! We don’t want any microscopic mishaps!” A man gets home after work and finds his girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman. She says, “You ́re being arrested under suspicion of being good in bed”. Why did the barber disregard the slogan “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy”? Because he believed in the power of a clean shave!What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks—I'll never part with it. What did the lifeguard say to the swimmers? “Don’t be silly, wrap your floaties, Willies! We don’t want any sinking incidents!” Who said that?” The burglar shines his flashlight around the room and sees a parrot in the corner of the room. “It’s me, Moses,” the parrot says. The burglar breathes a sigh of relief and says “What kind of idiot names his parrot Moses?” The parrot answers “The same kind of idiot that names his Rottweiler Jesus.”