The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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Natalie Lue schrijft helder, open en toegankelijk. Hierdoor is het een boek geworden wat fijn en prettig leest.

I have learned that if you live your life depending on other people’s approval, you will never feel free and truly happy.

Later, I found myself feeling absolutely terrible about having said yes and I wished that I had just had the guts to say no from the beginning. If you said no to your mom, dad, teacher, uncle, grandparents, and so on, you were most certainly considered to be being rude, and you would have probably been told off for it. Please be aware that the delivery time frame may vary according to the area of delivery - the approximate delivery time is usually between 1-2 business days.

What makes a person great is not their looks or achievements, but their willingness to love others, be humble, and grow as a person. No is not a dirty word. Follow author Natalie Lue’s six-step plan to find your no so you can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with your values and authentic self.If, like me, you’re having trouble saying no, this may help. Saying No Doesn’t Mean You’re a Bad Person Wise Quotes On Why We Say Yes – When We Really Want to Say No“I think a lot of the time we say yes because we are on some level afraid of what will happen if we say no. And that might be a very conscious thought in that moment, but often it’s more of a feeling that we have that we just almost automatically respond to it by saying yes.We like to make people feel good, and that means different things to different people. But in that moment, even though we might already know, I really, really don’t want to do that, we make that person feel good by letting them believe that that’s what we want to do. We like that. We like being thought of as nice and helpful and as unselfish and good. And these prompt us to say one thing on the outside and have a totally different thing going on internally. I think it is a habit.” On Boundaries“I wrote this book because I genuinely had discovered the healing and transformative power of saying no and having boundaries. And I make a point of saying that because I think that people see boundaries as saying no and telling people what to do. And a big thing that I learned about having boundaries was boundaries are about being more of who you really are. Because then we’re operating from a place of integrity, authenticity, and honesty.” On Your People Pleaser Entourage“What people discover when they start saying no is that they possibly have a people pleaser entourage, certain people in their life who benefit from them not saying no. Celebrities sometimes have that group of hanger-ons. And even though they’re blowing all their money none of these hanger-ons point that out because they don’t want to stop the gravy train. So a lot of people pleasers discover there are certain people who are really reliant on you just going along with things and that can feel very uncomfortable initially. What they also discover though is that a lot of the things that they were nervous about saying no to aren’t really that big of a deal.” Her patients tell her, she says, that “they cannot continue living at the pace they’re living at”, but at the same time, they cannot stop – they cannot say no. When she hears these words, Andrew begins thinking about “the core beliefs underneath people’s inability to say no”. When patients describe struggling to refuse to take on extra responsibilities at work, she says there is often an underlying fear that others will think they are not trying hard enough, an underlying fear that they are not good enough. That compulsive “yes” also forms part of a precarious solution to their self-doubt, she says, as, unconsciously: “They use this constant striving to make themselves feel better, to get that buzz from achieving things.” It is no surprise to me that this is the focus of the current wave of “how can I fix my life” angst. The wish to say no instead of saying yes, to stay in instead of going out, to discard instead of to accumulate – these are all logical responses to our feelings of being overstretched, overtired and overwhelmed. Clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew says she sees this in many forms in her consulting room, with patients saying life is too stressful and too pressured, or describing themselves as detached and their lives as meaningless and unsustainable.

Full Book Name: The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want Dale Henderson recommends finding the line between being completely passive, and being aggressive and territorial – the former could lead to you being the office doormat, and the latter to you being perceived as unhelpful.

The mantra that you should say yes to everything is nothing new (much like the cliche about asking for forgiveness, not permission, although that doesn’t sound so good in the post-Weinstein era). “If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure you can do it, say yes. Then learn how to do it later,” Richard Branson once said. Think about the anguish, stress, and resentment that saying yes has caused you. Wouldn’t it be so much easier and straightforward to just say no in the first place? No is not a dirty word. Follow author Natalie Lue's six-step plan to find your no so you can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with your values and authentic self. I realized I was afraid of saying no because my biggest fear is rejection. I was afraid that every time I did this, I would disappoint someone, make them angry, hurt their feelings, or appear unkind or rude. Gezonde grenzen stellen is iets wat ik erg moeilijk vind. Daarom lijkt dit boek me uitermate geschikt voor mij om bewuster te worden van mijn gedrag, de achtergrond daarvan én hoe ik dit gedrag kan veranderen. Ik ben enorm benieuwd of dit boek me hierbij kan en gaat helpen. Deze hele simpele en heldere cover spreekt me erg aan en vind ik perfect afgestemd op het onderwerp van het boek.

At first, this approach worked for me. It was great to collaborate towards a joint end and to feel genuinely that I was adding value to lots of projects. About three years ago, I realised the only way to stop saying sorry was to start saying no And it turns out that being able to say ‘no’ is a vital skill for work success. In his new book Great at Work: How Top Performers Work Less and Achieve More, based on a survey of 5,000 employees and managers in which work practices were charted against results, author Morten T. Hansen has distilled the findings into ‘work-smart’ practices. The first step, he found, is to have the courage and discipline to focus on very few key tasks, and go all-in on those. Managers need to become ‘do-less bosses’ who listen to employees when they say that giving them more work is counterproductive. And employees need to get better at saying ‘no’. The second step to learning to say no is realizing that you are valuable and choosing your own opinion about yourself over others. But this is nevertheless something we need to grapple with. For Brinkmann, it is not only a question of our psychological wellbeing – although it is that too. He writes that self-restraint and missing out are as vital for the global population as they are for us as individuals because “for so long our lives have been based on overconsumption, untrammelled growth and whittling away at our natural resources”. His arguments are compelling. So many of us struggle with feelings of abandonment, rejection, feeling not good enough, and people pleasing with emotionally unavailable and shady folks. We’ve been scared of boundaries, expressing our needs, being less than perfect, and becoming more of who we are, and so we settle for crumbs and abandon and hurt ourselves in the process.

It seems it is more complicated to experience “#Jono” than Harding suggests in her book, which is full of sentences such as: “Ditch the guilt.” Reader, at this my laughter was bitter and hollow. I came across a quote from Natalie Lue in an NPR article last year and it was so profound, I knew I wanted to read this book as soon as it came out. Having people think negatively of me is the ultimate rejection. Whether they say what they think of me, out loud or not, does not matter to me. It is the thought that they look down on me. Delivery with Standard Australia Post usually happens within 2-10 business days from time of dispatch. Please be aware that the delivery time frame may vary according to the area of delivery and due to various reasons, the delivery may take longer than the original estimated timeframe. Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker