Gangsta Granny

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As well as being a No.1 best-selling Children’s author, David Walliams is one of Britain's most popular writers and comic actors. Cabbagy Water stereo. Inevitably, a Strictly CD was playing. 50 Golden Greats from the Hit TV Show was emblazoned on the cover. Ben hated the CD, not least because he had heard it a million times. In fact, he had heard it so many times it was like torture. Ben's mum worked at the local nail salon, 'Gail's Nails'. Because there weren't many customers, Mum and the other lady who worked there (unsurprisingly called Gail) spent most days doing each other's nails. Buffing, cleaning, tnmmmg, moisturising, coating, sealing, polishing, filing, lacquering, extending and painting. They were doing things to each other's nails all day long (unless Flavio Flavioli was on daytime TV). That meant Mum would always come home with extremely long multi­ coloured plastic extensions on the end of her fingers. 15

Plumbing Weekly shrouded the shop. \"Look! Best Before 15th of November.\" Ben studied the box. \"It says Best Before 15th of November 1996.\" \"Well,\" said Raj. \"Even more reason to put them on special offer. OK, Ben, this is my final offer. Buy one box of Cornettos, I will give you ten boxes absolutely free!\" \"Really Raj, no thanks,\" said Ben. He peered into the freezer cabinet to see what else might be lurking in there. It had never been defrosted and Ben wouldn't have been surprised to find a perfectly preserved woolly mammoth from the Ice Age inside. \"Hang on,\" he said, as he moved a few frost­ encrusted ice lollies out of the way. \"It's in here! Plumbing Weekly!\" \"Ah yes, I remember now,\" said Raj. \"I put it in there to keep it fresh for you.\" 35Mystery and Wonder Ben wasn't at all sure that Raj was right about Granny. That night it was the same old story. Granny served up cabbage soup, followed by cabbage pie and for dessert it was cabbage mousse. She even found some cabbage-flavoured after-dinner chocolates'=· somewhere. After dinner, Granny and Ben sat down together on the musty sofa as they alway s did. \"Scrabble time!\" exclaimed Granny. ,:-cabbage-flavoured chocolates are not as nice as they sound, and they don't sound that nice. 39 David's fourth novel confirms his reputation as the Roald Dahl of his generation. - Woman's Way Magazine Cabbagy Water \"Are Mummy and Daddy not coming in?\" she asked, a little crestfallen. This was one of the things Ben couldn't stand about her: she was always talking to him like he was a baby. Broom-broom-brroooooooooommm. 1,'ogether Granny and Ben watched the little brown car race off, leaping over the speed bumps. Mum and Dad didn't like spending time with her any more than Ben did. It was just a convenient place to dump him on a Friday night. \"No, erm... Sorry, Granny... \" spluttered Ben. \"Oh, well, come in then,\" she muttered. \"Now, I've set up the Scrabble board and for your tea, I've got your favourite... cabbage soup!\" Ben's face dropped even further. Noooooooo 000000000! he thought.

Plumbing Weekly Ben's mum and dad had discovered their love of ballroom dancing too late to become champions themselves. And, to be honest, they seemed to prefer sitting on their burns watching it on TV to actually taking part. As such, Ben tried to keep his passion private. To avoid hurting his mum and dad's feelings, he stashed his copies of Plumbing Weekly under his bed. And he had made an arrangement with Raj, so that every week the newsagent would keep the plumbing magazine aside for him. Now, though, he couldn't find it anywhere. Ben had searched for the magazine behind Kerrang and Heat and even looked underneath The Lady (not an actual lady, I mean the magazine called The Lady), all to no avail. Raj's store was madly messy, but people came from miles away to shop there as he always brought a smile to their faces. 31David actually changed his name from Williams to Walliams because there was already a famous actor called David Williams! Cabbagy Water In fact, if there was a fire in their house, and Mum could only save either a sparkly gold tap-shoe once worn by Flavio Flavioli (the shiny, tanned dancer and heartbreaker from Italy who appeared on every series of the hit TV show) or her only child, Ben thought she would probably go for the shoe. Tonight, his mum and dad were going to an arena to see Strictly Stars Dancing live on stage. \"I don't know why you don't give up on this pipe dream of becoming a plumber, Ben, and think about dancing professionally,\" said Mum, her lip-liner scrawling across her cheek as the car bounced over a particularly bumpy speed bump. Mum had a habit of applying make-up in the car, which meant she often arrived somewhere looking like a clown. \"Maybe, just maybe, you could end up on Strictly!\" added Mum excitedly. 13 Gangsta Granny \"In fairness to the boy she does stink of cabbage,\" agreed Mum, as she applied some last minute lip-liner. \"You're not helping, wife,\" muttered Dad. \"At worst my mother has a very slight odour of boiled vegetables.\" \"Can't I come with you?\" pleaded Ben. \"I love ball-whatsit dancing,\" he lied. \"It's called ballroom dancing,\" corrected Dad. \"And you don't love it. You said, and I quote, 'I would rather eat my own bogeys than watch that rubbish'.\" Now, Ben's mum and dad loved ballroom dancing. Sometimes Ben thought they loved it more than they loved him. There was a TV show on Saturday evenings that Mum and Dad never missed called Strictly Stars Dancing, where celebrities would be paired with professional ballroom dancers. 12 Mr Stink, Gangsta Granny, The Boy in the Dress and Billionaire Boy have all been adapted into TV comedy dramas. David’s books have also been made into theatre productions including Mr Stink, Gangsta Granny, Ratburger and The First Hippo on the Moon. Gangsta Granny \"They go out of date tomorrow,\" said Raj, as he lumbered over to the freezer cabinet, slid open the glass top and pulled out a cardboard box of Cornettos. A freezing cold mist immediately