I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

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I've read and heard Ms Brown speak on this topic often. The core of what I've learned about shame comes when someone personalized they're bad for what has occurred verses this was an action of the individual or someone else that impacts the recipients interpretation.

I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) - Brené Brown

If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!” Even focusing on the shame that we take on board/adopt/feel when we find ourselves in carer roles for ageing loved ones. I was surprised, and grateful to have this discussed.What followed was a mix of feelings. I was proud of letting go of an outdated rule, while at the same time feeling ashamed for breaking my promise and “being unprofessional.” Blinkist’s summary of Brené Brown‘s I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)helped me understand myself a bit better. I hope it’ll do the same for you the next time you feel ashamed. Now, we need to underline that there are no universal causes of shame. Everyone connects the feeling with his or her own negative experiences from the past. Reacting to Shame This is what the author refers to as critical awareness. When she spotted her audience falling asleep during a session she delivered, she explained that she knew they only had a short lunch break and that the promised pizza was most people’s main reason for coming in the first place. I had everything planned and my daily Quora answers drafted and ready to go, but somehow, I didn’t feel like publishing them. I knew I wanted to quit publishing daily once the year was up and my gut seemed to tell me I shouldn’t wait. So I didn’t. As someone who wisely chose to reject some damaging expectations, I found a lot of truth echoed in this passage: "There are times when our feelings, thoughts and actions relate directly to our past or current struggles. But there are certainly times when they don't. The problem arises because, at some point, most of us begin to believe the expectations about who we're supposed to be, what we're supposed to look like, what we're supposed to do, how much we're supposed to be and how little we're supposed to be. We also develop a fear of rejecting those expectations. We constantly see evidence that if we do reject these expectations, we will experience very painful disconnections and rejection. So we internalize these expectations and they become an emotional prison. Shame stands guard." (p. 228)

I Thought It Was Just Me Summary - Accept Your Flaws - Pickyreads I Thought It Was Just Me Summary - Accept Your Flaws - Pickyreads

In the following summary, you will become more aware of it. So stay with us as we discuss this complicated feeling, its roots, and try to search for ways in which you can heal. Who Should Read “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)”? and Why? Making “reaching perfection” our life’s purpose is wrong and exhausting. Trying to escape media influences in today’s culture is as feasible as trying to protect ourselves from air pollution by not breathing.” But in the end, absolutely everyone is fallible. Realizing that mistakes, and the profoundly negative feelings they can prompt, are shared by many helps to mitigate our experience of shame, and can let us feel safe in the knowledge that we’re not alone. Real power is basically the ability to change something if you want to change it. It’s the ability to make change happen. Real power is unlimited—we don’t need to fight over it because there is plenty to go around. And the great thing about real power is our ability to create it. Real power doesn’t force us to take it away from others—it’s something we create and build with others.” If you're ashamed of feeling shame or ever wish to have a depth of compassion for others suffering, Brene’ Brown’s I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't) may be the read for you.

In this book Brene Brown explains about shame, how common and how destructive it is, and more importantly how to develop our "shame resilience". Instead of a synopsis or thinly veiled attempt at sounding studious, I thought I'd extract a few quotes that, while written about and for a female audience, hit home for me and that I think are representative of the importance of the work presented in this volume. Though the things that trigger shame are different for men and women, the feelings are the same. However, there is great relief in understanding the experience is universally experienced (hence, the title). However, regardless of its forms of manifestation, to be able to overcome shame, you need first to comprehend what triggers it. Judging has become such a part of our thinking patterns that we are rarely even aware of why and how we do it. It takes a great deal of conscious thinking or mindfulness to even bring the habit of judging into our awareness.”

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t) Summary - 12min Blog

As I read this book, I felt a bit like I did when I read In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Development in college. Both times, I kept thinking, "It's not just me. I'm not crazy." This book made me realize I am not the only woman - not by a long shot - who struggles with shame. And it made me thankful that at least I'm aware of this struggle within me, so that I can begin to recognize my shame triggers and work towards resilience. Now the part of the book that I was constantly feeling weird about was actually how much negativity it brought into my mind, of course awareness is good, but as I am listening to this, I'm constantly hearing first person stories ie. "I am not enough", "I don't deserve love" etc. I understand that this is to hear another persons perspective, but I have been listening to a lot of Positive Affirmations lately and also realising the Power of the 'I am' statements, listening to this book made me a little wary of what my subconscious was taking in.Casandra Brené Brown is an American research professor, lecturer, author, and podcast host. Brown is known in particular for her research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership. A long-time researcher and academic, Brown became famous following a widely viewed TEDx talk in 2010. Book details In “I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)” , bestselling author Brené Brown shows us the importance of our imperfections in building healthy relationships with others and with our own selves. Merely knowing that there is someone who understands what you are experiencing and the emotions you are feeling, makes you see that your situation is not unusual, and as a result, you feel less isolated.